Why joy slips away
An evolving list
I have been making a list of things that get in the way of living life, meaningfully and joyfully. So far, it seems this is what I have discovered:
1- How confidently we believe OUR meanings of other people’s words.//Fernando Pesso
2- Avoiding to have a difficult conversation because we assume that will make things easy. It never does. An unheard heart is an unresolved hurt.
3- We assume everyone wants something from us. Everyone has an agenda. We have reduced our capacity to expect and give unexpected joy.
4- We luggage our apologies for way too long. We never post them on the right address, never are willing to bow down, fold our hands and say loudly to someone, I now know better. Let’s begin again.
5- We take more care of the outer world than the inner world. We take meanings out of our inner shelf’s and put them out on streets for the world to see and admire. We prostitute a lot what is intimate to us. We demand understanding in exchange of attention.
6- We await an eternity for other’s to convince us of our magic. The validation for someone to see and celebrate what our potential is ruins the capacity of us being able to use it sooner.
7- We crave perfection—in jobs, relationships, love, purpose. But the moment we find it (or one thinks they have) we despise the very notion of living our days as if we couldn’t make mistakes. The very fabric of human life is stitched with flaws. It allows us to not be bitter, if we choose.
8- We take pride in going through storms alone. We wear batches of battles for single-handedly. Whereas, this isn’t expected out of us. Although, it has become an unrealistic goal we have set for ourselves. The whole point of living is to go through it with other people, together. To ask for help, so you can borrow some relief and they can activate their kindness. Reaching the finish line alone helps you win in a race competition not in the long walk of life.
9- We surrender little, strategise a lot. Life is a consistent unfolding of serendipitous moments. In its seams are neatly tucked oasis of awe and wonder. But if we have our calendars, to-do lists and schedule bottle neck with what we deem important, we leave very little room for what truly is. For joy to flow through our days, we need to keep a path cleared.
10- We think forgiveness should give us back what once was. It rarely is. Things, people, promises, places evolve. Just because you resolve a conflict doesn’t mean you will have to head to someone’s place for dinner now. It sometimes just means you can eat yours in peace.
11- We oversell our knowing, and underutilise our unknowing. We make space to learn more and not enough to unlearn. We hire more skills, friends, assets to keep us occupied but hardly sit down, routinely, to decide what must retire. Now.
12- We want more words, less silence. Not everything should be spoken, something’s shall be only felt, seen, memorised and forgotten. The expectation for everyone to articulate every emotion, each idea, every opinion takes away from our ability to sit in a silence where our breaths can be heard. Like a melody unharmed by unintentional-unmatched lyrics.
13- People live in perpetual dissatisfaction and occasional gratitude. I think we got it confused, it should be the other way. Right? Our overflowing gratefulness for what we have should be punctuated with heartbreaks, fortitude and uncertainties. It’s sad that we live in abundance and feel scarce. Our lack of noticing makes us a victim, unnecessarily. We wound our contentment but arrows of unwanted desires.
What else would you add?
Love this list so much.
What I would add is this.
We believe all our thoughts and take ourselves too seriously.
We hold our beliefs with a tight first instead of a loose hand and sometimes the burden of that grip can be too much to carry.